in a way, i'm kind of scared that he'll come back home and be a completely different person. i don't doubt that he can keep his cheery ways while he's gone, but i do worry about it. i'm just hoping it's the jason i've always known who returns.

on another note, i am so sick of people questioning my choices. i'm almost 100% positive that i'm transferring, so accept it. stop questioning my motives (e.g. you're running away from your problems or just making your dad happy). i'm doing this because I want to. ME. i'm obviously not happy where i am. at least i have the balls to sit down and take the time to get out, instead of sit here in my misery for the next two years. i'm sick of everything in boone. up here, i can count my actual friends on one hand, i have nothing to do half the time, and the weather SUCKS. it's not anyone business anyhow. where i'm going, i know i have people who care about me. i have a few friends to get me started, and from there i think i'll be alright. boone is not the place for me. i've accepted it. now why can't everyone else?

i miss the summer and the undeniably happy feeling i had. it has seriously vanished. i'm doing what i feel is right to in order to make myself happy. not my dad, not my friends, me. if you don't like it, i really don't give a shit anymore. i get if you don't want me to leave, but you could just say that instead of sitting here and telling me i'm doing this for all the wrong reasons. nobody knows the real reasons BUT me. so please, stop thinking you know me better than me.

I feel like if people get in, they aren't going to like me. Which, I admit, is seriously strange considering I honestly couldn't care less what people think about me. Hell, you can think I'm an obese bitch who is dumber than a box of rocks and probably ate entirely too much glue as a child and I'd laugh. I don't give a damn about that type of stuff. But when it comes to making friends, I feel like myself isn't good enough. What if I let you in, and let you see how I really am, and it's not what you're looking for? I don't know. That probably doesn't make any sense at all, and I apologize for that. My mind has just been traveling about a million miles a minute lately.

Also, I want to just go HOME. Like seriously, that is where I want to be. Nowhere else. I'm sick of school, I'm sick of work, I'm sick of the people I know at school. I'm sick of all of it! Honestly, I kind of wish I was still considering transferring. To be honest, the thought is still in the back of my mind... Guess I need to sit and think it over a little bit more before I make my final decision. I would have to bust my butt and make at least a 3.4 this semester though. Ughhhh. 

Oh. And here... This is probably my newest addiction:

http://www.formspring.me/nikikaniki